She's the Man
by shawtie
Summary: Like the movie She’s the Man, but doesn’t follow storyline exactly. Jasper and Alice want to get married, so Bella and Rosalie have to fill in for them. Things get more complicated when they start falling for classmates Edward and Emmett.BxE and RxEm
1. Chapter 1

Summary:

Like the movie She's the Man, but doesn't follow storyline exactly. Jasper and Alice want to get married, so Bella and Rosalie have to fill in for them. Things get more complicated when they start falling for classmates Edward and Emmett.

Disclaimer: _Obviously _not Stephenie Meyer…. I don't own her characters, either, so….

Chapter One: The Plan

I was just lounging around on the lawn, enjoying one of the last days of summer winding down to the school season, when I was conscripted into the hapless and doomed scheme. Totally unaware of what was coming, I was contemplating giving my best friend, Rose, a call, when an easily recognizable car pulled into my driveway with a screech of tires. I jumped about a foot in the air. My other best friend, Alice, hopped out of the car, unperturbed as usual to her characteristically ostentatious entrance.

She unfailingly spotted me and made a beeline straight for me. "Bella!" she squealed. Instinctively, I backed away from her enthusiastic advance. How could someone even more vertically challenged than me move so quickly?

A small but unstoppable force interrupted my musings. Alice was squeezing me around the middle as if we'd been apart for years instead of hours. She had slept over here just last night. I self-consciously patted her frantically bobbing head, unsure of what brought this attack on. "Um . . . hey, Alice. What's happened in the past . . . let's see . . . two hours?"

"What's happened?!" she screeched. I winced, wishing I could somehow dampen Alice's happiness. It would be a lot easier on my ears. And my ribs. Ouch.

Finally, she released her death grip and danced away from me, screaming something incoherently to the sky. "What?" I asked with the ease of long familiarity with this type of situation. Although she had released me, it seemed my ears were still to be subject to torture.

She came at me again, and I regretted my innocent query. Alice got right up in my face and yelled, "I SAID JASPER PROPOSED!"

I gaped at her, momentarily stunned, all my awkwardness long forgotten. "He . . . _did?_" They had been together for two years, but I hadn't anticipated anything like this until they both had graduated high school at least. But her elation was contagious; I could feel an exuberant smile forming on my face even as I spoke. "That's great!"

"I KNOW!" Alice's voice no longer seemed amplified tenfold; it was just appropriate under the circumstances. My happiness only seemed to exacerbate her own, if that were possible. We were both hopping up and down like idiots now, laughing giddily.

But then reality caught up to me. The drunk-on-happiness feeling was leaving me as soon as it had come. I stopped bouncing. "Alice," I said hesitantly, "what about school? And your parents? And Jasper? He's transferred to that overnight school with Taylor, remember?"

She stood immobile as well. Discomfort was etched on her face. "Taylor and Nicole are getting married as well. I have a solution . . . but you may not like it." She shifted uncomfortably. "We want to be married as soon as possible."

"How can you do that?" I demanded. "A wedding takes months to organize! Unless . . . oh." I frowned. "Alice, Vegas isn't usually constituted as the most ideally traditional location for a marriage, unless you consider it romantic to have a room across the hall from a stripper." I began to get really fired up, finding every fault possible that existed with her plan. "What do you even plan to tell your parents? Jasper's school starts in three days! You can't possibly" –

"Bella," Alice interrupted. "Would you please calm down? I told you I had a solution, and I do. This will happen like I want it to. I love Jasper. More than anything." She looked at me solemnly, and I found myself falling for her pity act as stupidly as I'd watched others blunder into it unsuspectingly. "This can work out, but I need your help to make it happen. Will you do this for me? Please?"

I inhaled sharply through my nose. I already knew I would regret this promise; I didn't want to know what she was going to make me do for her. "I will," I found myself saying. I couldn't believe I let this insignificant little pixie have this degree of control over me. It was unhealthy. I was readily agreeing to lie to both her parents, and mine, and our friends, and help her to marry her high-school boyfriend, albeit legally, as she turned eighteen a month ago. But she was cutting it kind of close. Close enough to turn heads and raise eyebrows. Close enough so my parents would futilely encourage me to rethink my friendship with Alice.

The serious expression vanished, to be replaced by a cheerful one beaming up at me. I was glad; the grave countenance unnerved me. For Alice to be solemn was as rare as a kid being solemn on Christmas morning. "Thanks Bella! Now, first, we need to go to Rose's house and get her in on this, too. I have to have her help, as well, for this to happen."

*******************************************************

"Okay," Rosalie said finally. "I'm in." I reflected on how surprised she had been at our sudden appearance, and even more baffled by the tortured and pleading look on my face the moment she had opened her door. She understood, now, but like me, she would never leave her best friend to drown in matters far over her head.

Rosalie sent me a small, rueful smile at the look of relief I shot her way following her acquiescence to help out. But her eyes retained the confused expression. I anticipated what was coming, and eagerly turned to Alice, for I was abominably curious as to the nature of our "help" as well.

"What do you want us to do, Alice?" Rosalie inquired of her smug friend, who was currently grinning like the cat that ate the canary. But at her question, the nerve-inducing countenance vanished, to be replaced by an anxious one. I had a sudden burst of intuition that this was the first but most certainly not the last instance where I would curse myself for agreeing to help.

"Well . . ." Alice bit her lip, staring at the ground as if trying to fathom why it was there. She said her next words in a rush. "We're going on our honeymoon directly after the wedding, of undisclosed destination. For a few weeks. And, like I said, we're not the only ones getting married, either. Nicole and Taylor will be taking their vows at the same time."

I raised my eyebrows. "An extended absence? That's going to be hard to pull off, Alice. The four of you may be attending overnight schools, but they're both prestigious high schools. They will call your parents, wondering what's up. And then they'll sharpen their pitchforks, light their torches and come after you."

"What if we're not absent?" Alice said slowly. "What if someone's there? Sleeping in our beds, going to our classes . . . No one would suspect the difference, as no one's met us there yet."

"But who would stand in for you?" Rosalie persisted.

Alice raised her head to stare us in the eyes for what seemed like an eternity. She seemed desperate. And then I got it.

"No, no, NO!" I said, getting up and pacing around Rosalie's bedroom. I could feel my face turning a brilliant shade of red, just imagining myself trying to impersonate Alice. "I CANNOT pretend to be you for a month. It just would not work. I don't look anything like you! And I'm not perky or bubbly! I'm not obsessed with shopping, I'm not deathly afraid of cows—,"

"Stop!" Alice interrupted me yet again. "You don't have to be me."

I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank goodness.

"Rosalie can be Taylor," Alice continued, "and you'll be Jasper!"

I started hyperventilating. "I-can't-be-a-GUY!"

Rosalie let out a hysterical giggle, but when I turned my eyes on her, which no doubt looked as though the devil had hell to pay, she said immediately, "I agree. Are you insane, Alice? There is no way I can pass as a guy, either. And if you haven't noticed, we have very . . . er . . . _feminine _features! Bella blushes every five seconds, she's too short . . . this could never work."

I breathed a little easier – a very, very small bit – knowing Rose was irrevocably with me on this.

"But guys!" Alice cried. "This would be SO EASY! When we come back, you can go to your respective schools, and Jazz and I can take care of everything! Please!"

"And what are we supposed to tell our 'respective schools' while we're impersonating Jasper and Taylor? Who's pretending to be you and Nicole?"

"Okay, first of all, Rosalie is out of high school, and her college doesn't start for two months, so she'll be back in plenty of time. Tell your parents you're going on a road trip! Bella, tell your school you're sick, and give them a phoney number to call. That's what Nicole and I did."

Rose threw up her hands. "And why didn't you do this for Jasper and Taylor?" she demanded.

"Because their school is retarded! If you don't show up on the first day, they COME TO YOUR HOUSE! Stalker, right?" She ran her fingers through her spiky hair, tears of frustration pouring down her face. "Please, guys! I'll never ask you for anything ever again! Just this once! Just . . . _please._"

I closed my eyes so I could logically think this through without being moved by Alice's distress.

Technically, her plan was infallible. But in reality, there was so much that could go awry. On weekends, the parents would expect to see their children, which would undoubtedly present a problem. Maybe we could lie to them about a school function demanding our presence each weekend . . . I shook my head, trying to clear it. I was thinking like I was going along with this.

"Alice?" Rose said softly. I opened my eyes to see a resolution forming in hers. Before I could intercede, she lifted her chin and said, "If it really means that much to you, I'll be proud to help you have a fantastic wedding."

Alice wiped her eyes, but kept the miserable expression. "Thanks, Rose," she whispered, hugging her knees. Poor Alice. She must feel awful for acting so selfishly. But friends are supposed to help each other out. It's in the job description. I paused, divided. Thanks a heap, Rose, for leaving it all up to me.

And I was still absolutely undecided.

I caught Rosalie's meaningful stare, urging me to comfort the small, defenseless girl in front of her. And I knew only one thing would make her feel better now. And as a friend, I was entitled to give it to her. I took a deep breath and steeled myself.

"Alice . . . ?" I said hesitantly. I cherished my last obligation-free moments of life for the next month. "I would be happy to help you out with this." I half-smiled. "What are friends for?"


	2. Chapter 2

Summary:

Like the movie She's the Man, but doesn't follow storyline exactly. Jasper and Alice want to get married, so Bella and Rosalie have to fill in for them. Things get more complicated when they start falling for classmates Edward and Emmett.

Disclaimer: _Obviously _not Stephenie Meyer…. I don't own her characters, either, so….

Chapter Two: Becoming the Man

"Ouch! That _hurts, _Paul!" I complained, as he yanked my hair back from my scalp roughly for what seemed like the tenth time that day. **(A/N Like Paul in the movie ********)**

Then I heard Alice's voice behind me. At about this time, I felt like throttling her. "Bella, he's a professional. Trust me. If anyone can help us, Paul can," she said confidently. The "professional" leered at me evilly in the mirror, probably trying to smile. I shuddered, and turned my attention back towards my own reflection.

In the chair next to me, Rosalie wasn't faring much better; the hairdressers had been sworn to secrecy of our ploy, as we had needed their help. It was necessary to hide our hair as much as possible under the wig, and I _refused _adamantly to cut mine. Alice insisted we needed special wigs to be manufactured to "match our complexions," but I couldn't understand why I couldn't stay a brunette and impersonate Taylor; it would be so much easier. Rose could stay with her natural hair color and pretend to be Jasper. Alice said it had something to do with the structure of our faces. I wasn't really paying attention.

"Done!" the woman attending to Rose announced cheerfully. I admired her reflection in the mirror. She truly looked like a guy, turning her head this way and that, practicing her man scowl. Brown hair didn't look too bad on her.

"Wow, Rose, you look _great_," I teased in a breathless tone. She laughed, and her wig tilted dangerously to one side. "You'd better make sure your wig doesn't fall off," I advised.

"Thanks, Bella. But my name's Taylor," Rose said, using a deep voice that made her sound like she had a bad cold.

I giggled. "You may want to work on that, _Taylor_."

If you had told me two weeks ago that in a very short period of time I would be in a hairdressing store getting willingly fitted for a wig to knowingly impersonate a guy for a month _by my own personal choice – _well, I probably would have given the go-ahead to send them to Happydale. I wasn't a really ostentatious type of person like Alice and Rose; I was quite fine with jeans and a T-shirt everyday to school. But I knew enough to be wary of the shopping trip we would be taking after this visit.

I regretted leaving so little time left to do such things. As soon as I agreed to Alice's demands, she got on the phone to try and get us in a "professional's" hairdressing chair as soon as possible. Unfortunately, the next day was the earliest she could book, which left only two more days to shop – the most important part, according to the pixie – and school us in guys' behavior. But honestly, I didn't think that part would be very difficult. After all, we had been around guys all our lives, hadn't we? I was pretty sure I had that part all figured out. However, Alice refused to leave even a little room for disaster.

"All finished!" Paul announced, stepping back, presumably to admire his own work. I rolled my eyes and glanced in the mirror. My jaw dropped.

I could actually . . . _pass _. . . for a guy. He had made the wig a dirty blonde instead of a honey like Jasper's actual hair, which made it a little closer to my own natural color. It didn't look fraudulent at all.

Face-wise, my complexion was at the limits of Paul's ability. The parts I was worried about were beyond the control of any human being on this planet. My eyes were still a little too dark for my hair, but that was a minor dilemma. My lips were too full for a guy's, which gave my face still a feminine look after all the work we had done.

But I was anxious about one thing in particular that had nothing to do with the features on my face; it could more be constituted as a habit. Not necessarily a bad one, but most definitely a girly and embarrassing one. It would be doubly embarrassing if it ever happened when Bella was a guy. I turned to Alice, hoping she would have a solution.

"Alice . . ." I said hesitantly. "What about my blush?"

But I was disappointed. Alice sighed resignedly and patted my head in consolation. "You'll just have to try to stop blushing," she told me helpfully.

I glared up at her. "What? You mean you didn't think about this? You didn't devise a clever solution? Can't I just wear cover-up all the time?"

Alice avoided my eyes. "You can't wear cover-up, Bella, your skin is already unnaturally pale . . . Don't want people thinking you're an al" –

"Bell, don't worry about it," Rose interrupted. "There's not a great chance of you blushing while you're a guy. And if it happens, I'll save you. It's okay."

I sighed, and turned back to my unfamiliar reflection. "Okay. Where are we shopping?"

Alice's eyes lit up immediately. "Well, I was thinking we would start with Port Angeles, and then move on to Seattle . . ."

I groaned under the weight of all the clothes Alice was forcing upon me. She was a human tornado, whirling throughout the store and leaving destruction in her wake. I half believed she wasn't looking at the clothes thrown towards me; more likely she grabbed everything in the men's department. There was certainly enough clothes in my hands for that.

"BELLA!" I heard a screech. I sighed automatically, replaying a scene that had happened five minutes and one store ago. Why was Rose allowed to pick her own clothes? Where is the justice in this world?

Resigned, I walked towards the fitting rooms, dimly registering in the corner of my mind reduced to dark thoughts that a bouncing Alice was waiting for me. I slowed my steps, savoring my last few moments of freedom before I was subjected to my prison cell badly disguised in the form of bright lights and three-way mirrors.

Suddenly, Alice was right in front of me, taking my arm and steering me unerringly towards the long row of stalls. I was shoved in one of them yet again, and brightly told, "I'll be right out here, so you can show me all the pretty clothes!" I almost wanted to inform Alice that the death sentence was only functional in Texas now.

I sighed and began rifling through the clothes once more, even though I wasn't quite sure what I was looking for. Again, nothing remotely familiar was present in the stack. Although I had had my doubts about whether Alice was actually looking at the clothes before chucking them at me, sure enough, everything was indeed my size. Guys' size, anyway. (We had tested this in the first store. The salesman looked at us very oddly when we asked for a size 4 pair of jeans.)

I dressed mechanically and walked out to show my tormentors. Rose had finished completely a couple minutes ago; Alice had now enlisted her in the Bella Salvation Fund, or in other words finding clothes that didn't look as though they had been passed down from generation to generation through hobos.

When I got out there, unexpectedly Alice granted me mercy. "Okay, Bella," she decided. "I think you have enough clothes now. Let's take these jeans and go."

A wide smile stretched itself across my face. I dashed back into the dressing room to change as fast as I could. Only time would tell if Alice would rescind her offer, but personally I believed I had enough clothes by now as well. There were more clothes for me as a guy than I had as a girl, which I didn't understand since this was just going to be a one-time thing. Right?

I hurried out, clutching the final pair of jeans. Now came the part I dreaded the most. I dreaded it just a little bit more than the changing rooms. I dreaded it more than the shoe stores. I dreaded it more than the boxer stores.

Alice referred to it as "Blushing Practice."

I called it "Yet Another Reason Why I Should Kill My Best Friend."

"Ready?" she said excitedly. Without waiting for an answer, she gave me a push in the direction of the cash register. I shot Rose a glare for not saving me, but she just smirked. Some friends I have.

I approached the counter cautiously. The victim was a girl my age, looking bored. I laid the clothes down and took a step back, gauging her reaction. I witnessed her transformation from inattentive and bland to wide-eyed and looking like she was about to burst. From laughter. At her customer. Me. But she wasn't going to start laughing because she didn't want to lose her customer, even if they were a freak. Me.

I remained expressionless, but I could feel myself turning redder and redder until it felt like the tips of my ears were in flames and there was a bonfire blazing in my face. Again I cursed Alice for not letting me wear my new wig.

The girl picked up the jeans with two fingers as if they were repulsive to her. "Will there be anything else?" she asked dismissively.

I stood up straighter, despite my . . . _condition. _"No, thank you," I said acerbically. The girl wouldn't meet my eyes and merely handed me the bag with her eyes downcast. Newb.

I marched out of the store, the brilliant heat in my cheeks a reminder of what had just transpired. My "friends" were waiting outside, toying with a camera. I sighed. "Okay, let's see it."

"Are you sure?"

"This one was the best."

"No, Rose, it was that other one, remember…"

"No, no. You don't know what you're talking about."

"Seriously! Here, I'll show you the picture!" Alice was fumbling through the pictures now, at an alarming speed. She must have reviewed these often if she knew her way around them by now.

"No!" Rose snapped, grabbing the camera. "Nobody wants to see that." She showed me a memoir of the horror I had just taken a part in.

The picture, like all the others, was of me and the cash register-man. Our reactions, more specifically. In this one, my face was even redder than I had imagined. I just couldn't stop blushing. Alice, peering over my shoulder, sighed dramatically. "Failure," she said in mock disheartenment, shaking her head.

I turned my attention to the other figure in the photo, dreading what I would find. Alice had timed the picture perfectly. She was holding the pants up, face torn between mirth and disgust, as though she was debating whether to throw me out of the store or ring up the pants as fast as possible.

"Ha-ha," I said sarcastically.

"Alright, that's all we can buy to help us," Alice announced. "The rest is up to you guys."

**A/N: so, so sorry it took so long to update!! I have no excuse. Actually I have like five, but I won't write them here. I can't guarantee when the next chapter will be up, but I'll try. Sorry again! Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Ack!! It's been HOW long since I've updated?? My bad, guyz. I'm really really actually truly gonna try to update more now that it's summer. I should…hopefully…have more free time. Sorry again!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**Chapter Three**

"We're here!" Alice sang, pulling up in front of what I would call a preppy school. Geezum. It may sound stupid but I was pretty grateful for the uniforms. I would blend more. Not that it dampened any of Alice's shopping spirit.

"Don't forget to call me if you need anything," Alice said, pulling our bags out of the trunk and shoving them at us. "But I'll probably have my phone off most of the time even after the wedding because…well…you know…"

"Ugh! We got it, Alice!" Rose said, rolling her eyes. "Spare us the details."

"I'm so excited for both of you!" she squealed, pulling both of us in for another hug. "I can't believe you're actually doing this for me! Anyway got to run! Jasper's waiting at the airport! Okay, bye!"

She zoomed away, leaving Rose and I to give each other the once-over to confirm our wigs were on securely. Thank God Jasper and Taylor didn't play sports. There's no way I would have been able to pull that off without playing hooky every day.

"Yo!" a voice called. "Heads up!"

A shadow passed over me, and I gave a little shriek, covering my head. Rose's hand shot up and snagged the Frisbee out of the air.

The guy that had warned us came jogging up. "Thanks," he said, taking the Frisbee. "You guys new on campus?"

"Yep."

He cast a dubious glance over me. "Uh, what grade?" I felt my cheeks start to get warm.

"We're both juniors," Rose said brusquely, saving me. "Which way to the office?"

Wordlessly, he pointed us in the right direction, and we strode away.

"Whew, that was close," I sighed. I turned back to look at Rose as we walked. "I think this will be harder than–"

I walked into something very solid and bounced off, falling backwards. The very-solid-thing grabbed me and steadied me, preventing me from falling. If I had fallen, no matter what Alice said I would be changing schools.

I looked up at the Bella-steadier, and found I had to look _way _up. The moment my eyes met his, it was like an electrical current buzzed between us. I could almost see the cord connecting us; I couldn't look away from his impossibly green eyes…

He let go of me and suddenly the feeling passed. I blinked. "Uh, thanks," I said in confusion.

He smiled and ran a hand through his bronze hair. "No prob. I'm Edward Cullen. Are you two new here?"

"Is it that obvious?" I asked bitterly. Although, I wouldn't be complaining if it were people like Edward asking if I was new all the time.

He smiled abashedly. "This is Emmett, my roommate." The hulking mountain behind him _moved, _which is when I realized that it was actually a man. Uh, scary.

"I'm Bel—I mean Jasper. This is my roommate Taylor. At least, I think we're roommates. We'd better go check. Let's go find the office, Taylor."

"It's just down there," the one called Emmett said, sounding rather more like what I imagined a bear would sound like if it could speak English than a human.

"Thanks. Okay. See you around." I stepped around them and quickly made my way down the hall, more than a little flustered.

Rose caught up to me. "Hubba hubba, huh?" she whispered.

"Uh," I managed.

"Dibs on the big one. I like the strong and silent type."

"Rose! We can't have dibs on them! Unless you want them thinking we're gay!"

"Hey, you never know. Maybe they're gay, too."

"In which case, they wouldn't like us because we're actually girls. And what do you mean gay, _too_?"

"I'm just saying," Rose said. "I mean, I'm definitely not going to go four weeks without making out with at least one guy." She leaned in the doorway of the office and snagged our schedules off the counter. "Honestly, I don't think Alice expected us to be as self-sacrificing as Mother Teresa."

"No, but, well…" I blustered. Truth be told, I didn't want a relationship right now. Too bad for me, because Edward Cullen was like a magnet for me, relentlessly drawing me towards him.

It turned out Rose and I actually were roommates, which made issues like changing _so _much easier.

The dorm room was incredibly plain. I shrugged. "Well, it's a good thing Alice didn't consider living quarters. That would have meant a whole other shopping spree."

There was a knock at the door. A guy only a few inches taller than me stood there. "I'm Huey," he informed me. "Since you're both new here, I thought I'd take the liberty of telling you the rules." His expression suddenly turned confused.

I followed his look to my bed, where Rose had carelessly slung her things. To my horror, I saw poking out of her bag a tall, pointy high-heeled shoe.

Huey started toward it, but Rose lunged for the shoe, quickly stuffing it out of sight. Not like it did any good.

"Why…why do you have a stiletto in your bag?" Huey asked, utterly perplexed. Then suddenly his face turned stormy. "Stilettos are against the DRESS CODE!" he yelled, starting towards Rose's bag again.

Unbelievable. All he cared about was the stupid dress code. I opened my mouth to give some incredibly brilliant excuse I knew would eventually come to me, but Rose cut in first.

"They're not ours!" she cried. We both looked at her. Huey looked torn between yelling at her and running the other direction.

"They're…a gift," Rose said defensively. "For…the principal. Accepting our transfer."

"The principal? But… he's a man," Huey said, backing towards the door, not unlike a startled guinea pig.

"We know that!" Rose snapped. "But we heard, of course, the he… collects stilettos."

"Uh…right." Huey ran out of the room.

"Well, nice job getting rid of him, Rose, but _honestly. _Collects stilettos? Very likely."

"I couldn't think of anything else," Rose said miserably.

"It doesn't matter," I groaned. At least that would keep creepy Huey off our backs. "Let's just figure out where all our classes are so we won't look like total idiots tomorrow. Just partial ones."

Rose grinned. "Yeah. I might run into Emmett again, and actually get to say something without you dragging me off again."

"Don't forget, you're still a guy," I warned.

Rose laughed. "On the outside, yes. But on the inside, I'm still Rosalie Hale, with a fabulous manicure and a great tan."

I have yet to see the day where you can get a tan on the _inside, _I thought. I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling. "God help us," I muttered.


End file.
